Introduction
We live in a world filled with conflict. To some degree, we were promised, we weren't alive at the time, but the human race was promised, that World War I would be the war to end all wars. I don't know who coined that phrase because, within a generation after that one came, it gave birth to, World War II, which was the biggest of all military conflicts. That war ended in two hideous nuclear explosions and the revelation, the full revelation, of the Holocaust. WWII showed the depravity of human hearts. So much so, the United Nations was crafted so that we would never go to war with one another again by theoretically being able to talk things out and resolve things through political means and negotiation. There have been over 170 armed conflicts since then.
But you know that human conflict goes far beyond that global kind, goes far beyond just what you read and hear about on CNN. It goes far beyond anything like that; it hits close to home. It hits marriages. Half of all marriages end in divorce, but even many that do not go through a divorce, it's almost as if the husband and wife are just living estranged from one another. And, even in a good, solid Christian family, they would testify that it's the conflicts that make it sour and bitter and not what it ought to be. And so, the conflict goes husband to wife, wife to husband, and also goes parent to child, child to parent, sibling to sibling, and eventually to the children's future spouse and children. There are broken relationships passed down from generation to generation. The first revelation of human conflict was Cain and Abel. Cain hated his brother and murdered him. So, it's been that way horizontally ever since. Conflict completely surrounds us. Human conflict has defined all of human history.
With each passing day, our hearts long more and more for peace. Globally, locally, and in our personal lives. How do we stop this constant state of conflict we live in and find peace? And yes, we can live in peace. Peace isn't just the wishful thinking of pageant contestants. It is a state in which we can live and a state we all desperately desire to live. How do we live in peace?
Bible Passage
Proverbs 25:21-26 (ESV)
21 If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink,
22 for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.
23 The north wind brings forth rain, and a backbiting tongue, angry looks.
24 It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.
25 Like cold water to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country.
26 Like a muddied spring or a polluted fountain is a righteous man who gives way before the wicked.
Scriptural Analysis
Verses 21-22
These proverbs state the paradoxical truth that one can get back at one’s enemy with kindness. Feeding an enemy will “heap burning coals on his head” in the sense that he or she will be humbled at having to take bread from a hated rival. The metaphor of burning coals implies intense pain. For many, their pride feels humility as pain. An implication here is that one should refrain from exacting vengeance.
Paul quoted this proverb in his discussion of “love” in Rom 12:9–21. It must also be noted that Jesus’ instruction on the love of enemies (Matt 5:43–47) be read in light of this proverb and that the love of one's enemy is originally an Old Testament idea that was both enacted and commanded by Jesus and then re-enforced by Paul. As a figure of speech, the message is not to take vengeance, but to change the environment of hostility to peace.
Verses 23-24
There's history and deep metaphors in these verses. The background of this proverb may have arisen in Egypt, where the rains could be from the north. Those cold rains were unwelcome. The north wind is cold, and it corresponds to the cold looks on the faces of people in a hostile environment. You know how people look during winter rains. The downpour of cold, bitter water in the rains corresponds to a flood of secret defamation that occurs when people do not communicate with one another.
Two sayings about anger and quarreling imply that paying attention to how one speaks can make a difference. The saying in verse 23 not only requires interpretation of the comparison but also asks the reader to make a connection with the other saying about wind and rain (25:14). The sly tongue is whispering or backbiting. The quarrelsome wife of Proverbs symbolizes folly, a contrast to the wife who earns her husband’s praise in Proverbs 31. These verses are laying out how unpleasant it is to live in conflict and at war with others.
Verses 25-26
These two proverbs are linked by the implied idea of drinking water. As nothing is more refreshing than good news from afar, so few things are more disappointing than for a righteous person to yield to pressures to do or consent to evil. For a thirsty traveler expecting relief, the effect of coming upon a polluted well is disbelief and disappointment, and it serves as an apt metaphor for the profound disillusionment one feels when the righteous yield to evil.
As refreshing as a cold drink can be, it is not always available, however; sometimes, the source is contaminated. Verse 26 plays on expectations; one expects a spring to provide drinkable water and expects the righteous to remain true to character. Again, Solomon is alluding to those who stir up trouble and the destruction they cause. Peace is always the preferred path.
TODAY'S KEY TRUTH
The Wise Intentionally Choose Peace.
Application
Reading those two verses, there are two words that come to mind: intentionality and peace.
One of the biggest challenges we have faced over the last few years is how to maintain peace amongst our fellow man. So many opportunities to disagree have caused numerous crater-sized rifts. From politics to elections to local issues to church decisions, conflict has been on the rise across our entire country. This constant state of disagreement has robbed us of our peace.
In the past few years, a Mark Twain quote has crossed my mind more than once: "I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics, a man’s reasoning powers are not above the animals." It seems we are in constant conflict. And we, as Southern Baptists, mercy we seem to love conflict. You put 3 Southern Baptists in a room, you come out with four opinions, and none of them will work together.
For decades, Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood was a place children wanted to be. Everything was peaceful, and everyone was friendly. While it may always be a beautiful day in Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, we don’t live in his neck of the woods. In the real world we live in, our neighbors, our friends, our coworkers, our kids, and our spouses all can annoy us, avoid us, or even appall us. And when they do, conflict is soon to follow.
Whenever we relate with people, the possibility of conflict exists. A misspoken word or a hasty comment can lead to an argument. Sometimes it only takes a difference of opinion that can lead to war, where thousands lose their lives. Relationships can rob us of our peace quicker than any other aspect of our lives. Our lives are all in some way impacted by other people: friends, family, and enemies. If I am counting on someone, and they don’t come through, it can profoundly impact my relationship with them. If I truly love someone, and they wound, neglect, or reject me, it can undoubtedly hinder my ability to live in peace. So when Solomon, Jesus, and Paul all say to live at peace with everyone, that seems like an impossible task. But that's what God's word calls us to do. So How?
Paul, in Colossians 3:12-15, described a road map to powerful, transcendent peace in our relationships. Scripture says, "Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all, these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful."
That doesn't sound too far from: "If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.
Now that all sounds well and good, but let's talk reality. We don't choose peace. In our culture, where your feelings are the ultimate possession and deciding factor in our lives, conflict will naturally thrive. We live in a time when emotions & feelings reign supreme. Feelings have been highly elevated in our culture. We chose the elevation of our feelings over peace. You see it in our societal colloquialisms and cultural values. It’s all about ‘your happiness,’ ‘loving yourself first,’ ‘I’m offended,’ etc. These beliefs are fertile grounds for constant conflict. We have taken the importance of our feelings so far that we now say things like ‘This is my truth,’ ‘These are my facts,’ and ‘Anything that offends you must be removed.’ Feelings are supreme. I don’t have to look at scripture or at anyone else to see how bad this ideology is. I can just look at my own life. Without a doubt, my biggest mistakes in life have come from allowing my feelings to guide me. Better said it came from my feelings controlling me. Anger, hurt, frustration, sadness, bitterness, and pain have never led me to a good place or decision. In those conflicts in my life where I chose to elevate my feelings over peace, the conflict has been seismic. When I have let my emotions and feelings lead me, I have always found myself in places I didn’t need or want to be.
When your feelings become your decision-maker, conflict is soon to follow, and the results will, more often than not, be disastrous. Acting in our emotions is typically the first step toward a train wreck. When we act in our feelings in ways that are opposite of what our faith teaches, it’s a guaranteed unmitigated disaster that leaves a trail of human wreckage.
Most of our country seems hostile & fatigued. Our society’s anxiety & instability is because we are controlled by “our feelings." That rollercoaster of emotions & feelings drains even the most pleasant & strongest among us. Peace is found when we understand how to stop ‘reacting’ to the momentary with feelings & start intentionally choosing peace.
The pathway to peace with others begins with choosing to die to yourself. The older we get, we understand that we are completely unable to control anyone. Each person has a will and the power to love us or reject us. Even believers will consistently fail you. If the people could witness all that Jesus did and still shout, “Crucify him,” you can know others will reject you, persecute, and even ridicule you. But when you choose to continually humble yourself before others and serve, you will be filled with the “peace of Christ." When we choose to put on “compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,” regardless of the actions of others, we position ourselves to continually live in peace. When we choose to "If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink," we choose peace.
We find our greatest example of this in the person of Jesus. Just as he could ask forgiveness from his heavenly Father by saying, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do,” as the soldiers who nailed him to the cross gambled for his clothing, you will have a supernatural peace when you choose to live selflessly to love others, including your enemies. The Holy Spirit will fill you with peace in your relationships when you choose to live like Jesus at peace.
The Wise Intentionally Choose Peace.
So, how do we intentionally choose to live in peace? There are two steps to living in peace.
1. Choose Relationships over Being Right
Ever notice the person who thinks they’re always right is also always in conflict? Their belief that they are smarter than everyone else, leads them into constant conflict because they are always right and others are always wrong. In a culture where everyone is justified & all feelings are right, conflict will be the one constant. Peace & grace will follow those who work more on the “I'm sorry” than the “I am right.”
When you value being right over the relationship, you will have division. That's a divide you can't overcome. But if you value the relationship more, then naturally, you're going to approach conflict within that relationship differently. Looking back, one thing I have learned is that the first year of marriage is one of the hardest. There are a lot of adjustments to be made. The biggest adjustment is learning to just let things go. Some, in fact most, conflicts aren't worth the potential damage it could cause. Once you learn that, you quickly realize that it's truly wise to let things go. We get into conflicts, and then a day later, we can't even remember what started the fight. Eventually, after going through enough of those, the wise begin to realize how insignificant the vast majority of our conflicts are. The wise husband lets the comment go. The wise wife chooses to let the dirty shirt on the floor go. The wise parent lets chooses not to engage with the moody, hormonal teenager. Chose peace over your feelings.
If the issue that is potentially causing conflict won't matter in a week, probably let it go.
If the issue that is potentially causing conflict won't matter in a month, probably let it go.
If the issue that is potentially causing conflict won't matter in a year, maybe let it pass.
If the issue that is potentially causing conflict won't matter in eternity, maybe let it pass.
Think of it this way: you don't have to show up to every fight and conflict you’re invited to.
Let it go. Let it pass. Chose peace over your fleeting feelings.
The Wise Intentionally Choose Peace.
Step one to living at peace is choosing relationships over being right.
Step two to living at peace is choosing reconciliation over resolution.
2. Choose Reconciliation over Resolution
There’s a big difference between those two words. Reconciliation means re-establishing the relationship. Resolution means resolving every issue. In most cases, a resolution isn’t going to happen—there are some things you’ll just never agree on.
Can you have a loving relationship without agreeing on everything? Absolutely. But it takes wisdom and humility. When you’re wise, you learn to disagree without being disagreeable; you learn to walk hand in hand without having to see eye to eye. Peace is not just the absence of conflict, it is also the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means. That's more easily obtained when you focus on reconciliation, not resolution. Focus on how to heal the wound over who's right and who's wrong.
Going back to what we just thought about, if the issue causing conflict is going to be forgotten in a year, month, day, or shorter, why worry about resolution? Choose to agree about disagreeing and move on. Don't make it about being right or your feelings. Make it about finding a place where the conflict can be dropped and moving forward together in unity.
Now if the issue is about sin, then you've got to address the sin in the relationship, and that can produce conflict. But even then, how you approach the conflict matters. There's a difference between disagreeing and being disagreeable. Scripture constantly reminds us to speak the truth in love. That's love in both what you say and how you say it. The preface comment, "I'm just being honest," is no excuse for being rude, aggressive, belittling, or insulting. Being a direct person doesn't mean you're excused from being Christ-like with your words. Speak the truth in love. Your goal isn't winning the conflict, making a certain point, or ensuring your feelings are heard. The goal is always the reconciliation of the relationship.
Conclusion
One of the greatest things you can do with your life is be a bridge builder, not a wall builder. You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. You are the most like Jesus Christ when you are reconciling relationships with people. That’s exactly what Jesus came to do! God sent Jesus to Earth to reconcile humanity with God.
The Wise Intentionally Choose Peace.
Jesus is the great reconciler. The Bible says, “There is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus” (1 Timothy 2:5).
You cannot make peace with other people until you make peace with God. If you find yourself in constant conflict, ask yourself whether you’ve made peace with God. You can make peace with God by repenting of your sins and dedicating your life to serving him (see the prayer below).
The Bible calls Jesus the Prince of Peace. Peace with God leads to peace with yourself, which leads to peace with others.
The Wise Intentionally Choose Peace.
I know that you have relationships that trouble you, as this is true of everyone. If you’re tired of getting upset or being irritated or unsuccessfully trying to correct those individuals, perhaps you should choose the route of simply seeking to be at peace.
The wise choose relationships over being right.
The wise choose reconciliation over resolution.
God chose to make peace with humanity, though we daily make conflict with our sins. He chose us. He loved us enough to do what it took to make the redemption of humanity possible. That meant sending His son Jesus to die and be resurrected so that we could be reconciled with Him in eternity. God set the example of choosing to show love above all else. That is the example we are called to follow.
The Wise Intentionally Choose Peace.